I have been doing a lot of reflecting. I don't care if I get any sleep tonight. I find it funny that I can write all I want without ever getting tired, yet when I look at the page a hour later, it's all jibberish and mush. I want to write something different. Something new. But I am at a loss. Today I found myself searching my room, tearing everything apart. But when I paused for a bit, I couldn't even remember what I was looking for. I don't really think I was looking for anything. I laugh now because before when I would post journals, I would try so hard to sound smart and interesting. Now I just want to get my point across. I quit everything. All bad habits. I'm done. I still laugh. As of now I totally blame myself for any problem I have ever had. I don't even think that I have a point. I'm staying off the computer for a few days. Now I find myself sitting here, talking to the computer monitor, "praying" that a certain someone will come to my rescue. Ha. My mother told me that the teachers are concerned about me because I don't socialize nearly as much as I used to. My peers just don't intrest me anymore. Old friends tell me I have grown cold. Perhaps. It makes me cringe sometimes to watch kids my age that I have known for years steal money from their parents, or pawn their once loved possesions or even commit special favors just for money so they can get high for a few hours or give their legal friends money to buy them death wrapped in paper. I feel so stupid for ever getting caught up in any of it. I'm afraid I have just become another teenage cliche. Fuck it.
I'm gonna go search my room.